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by animelover4444
Summary: A little China and Japan story that I thought of because I got bored. Hope you guys like it! It's my first story so please enjoy! R&R


"_Loneliness-If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. And yet you are alone. So very alone"_

China's POV

His eyes had always remained emotionless, even whenever he murmured the words, "I'm sorry," before his blade sliced down my back, blood gushing onto the floor and creating a puddle under me. He didn't look like he was sorry; he didn't show mercy on me. I tried to understand why he did this to me, his older brother. So many things had passed through my mind that day when Japan betrayed my trust, _our _trust. But the things that passed through my mind were questions I had no way to answer, questions I needed Japan to help me answer.

Though Japan had left a memorable scar on my back and betrayed me, I couldn't help but to forgive him. I loved him too much. He was _like _my little brother; he practically always was in my mind. Wasn't he? I didn't want to say I loved him more than a brother should but…it might just have been the truth. But either way…To love him or too not, I still wanted to hold him in my arms again when I _thought _he needed me. I still want those times when I actually saw a glimpse of his smile, his laugh. And though I don't have those things now, I still have some sort of relation with him which I know he can never forget. Somehow we are still so close and yet so far apart.

Japan's POV

I walked towards the world conference with steady, calm steps. I wasn't early this time, but I wasn't late either. The meeting wouldn't begin for another 5 minutes or so. It would be just enough time for me to slip in and avoid a conversation with China. It has been many years since I betrayed him but it seems it comes back to me every night before I go to sleep. Every night I see the blood that spread across the wooden flooring, and the pain that marked his innocent face. I don't regret many things; though that might be the only thing I will ever regret, I will never admit to being sorry for doing it. Where would I be if I hadn't betrayed him? His little brother, an underling? I sigh softly to myself and slid into my seat at the world conference as it begins. I set my briefcase on the table and I hear the faint voice of America in the background of my very thoughts and I wonder what ridiculous plan he's come up with this time. But I wait for him to finish what he's saying and politely say, "I agree with America-san's idea,"

I see China looking at me with his sleeves together like they usually are and he has that same childish smile he usually wears. I cross my arms, keeping my blank expression even though I still see the look he had in his eyes when I hurt him. I still see the pain, the hurt he feels even after so many years. I wonder how no one else notices this obvious look in his eyes. I look around to see England and France strangling each other _again. _They seem to be arguing about America's idea, or have I missed something while I let my mind wonder? Does there arguing have anything to do with America's idea or even America? I close my eyes and rub my forehead, trying to clear my mind.

"I must go," I say abruptly. I get up and walk towards the door quickly, not waiting for a reply to my statement though I do hear various voices calling after me. Somewhere, even if it's ever so faintly, I hear China's voice, even if all I heard was a disappointed aru.

China's POV

I watched as Japan walked out of the meeting and I called after him. I know though they he probably didn't hear me, and even though I wanted to run after him, I didn't.

"What was that all about?" someone say's in the background of the chaos that has arisen.

"Japan's never done that before," another adds quickly.

I stay silent though, and watch the chaos that continues to play on and on. All the meetings seem to play out this way, though Japan has never walked out of a meeting before. I wonder why he did. Though I don't have the right to wonder these things, the things Japan thinks are none of my business. Yet, the thought makes me wonder.

I wait for the chaos to finally die down and people begin to leave grumbling about how no one got anything done. I sigh at how immature some of these nations can be and as I get up I see something that catches my eye. It's a small briefcase that I know doesn't belong to just any nation I know. It belongs to a nation that's special to me in more ways than one. I pull my sleeves away from each other and examine the briefcase like it's an antique vase.

The briefcase is a very dull brown color but it holds no scratches, no mistreatments. It looks _almost _perfect. Though some of the things look out of place, like the stitching, I'd prefer not to comment on it though. I slowly open the briefcase and look threw it, even though I shouldn't. I couldn't help it….Inside I find a lot of business papers, mostly things that didn't seem to matter to me. Though most had valuable information, I didn't want information I wanted something he might have locked away in here for safe keeping, I wanted something he wouldn't show just anyone….And I did find something, actually I found a letter. I unfolded it, I examined it closely. I'm glad he wrote in English because frankly I couldn't read his Japanese characters. I read the letter carefully.

"_Dear China,_

_I've tried many times to send a letter that explains everything that happened that day, and every time the letter was never good enough to be sent to you Yao. So I finally gave up on attempts and burnt all of them, watching words I could never say to you, things I could never admit. And though I even thought about burning this one, I just couldn't. I sometimes regret doing what I did, but other times I think where would I be if I hadn't done these things that have led to the present we have? If I hadn't ever betrayed you wouldn't you still think of me as a little brother? Don't you still think of me as a brother? It seems what I was trying to accomplish just can't happen, because in your eyes I will always be the same thing. A little brother. I made a mistake trying to run away from something that was right in front of me. But then again….don't we all make mistakes? I was tempted to send you this letter Yao, but I didn't even think your knowledge could answer these questions. Somehow though I know you do have the answers to these questions…._

_I never wanted you to hate me Yao, I just wanted to be something other than a little brother. An underling, something that can never be equal nor above. So I left. And I hope one day you'll understand my feelings were never against you…..I hope one day I can look at you and not want to cry_

_ Sincerely, Kiku."_

I nearly dropped the paper but instead stuffed it back into the briefcase and closed it with a heavy thud. I picked it up and began to walk out, with a rather quick pace. I didn't know what I'd do about this….if I gave him the briefcase back would I tell him I read the letter? Would I tell him I didn't? I had so many questions that never seemed to get answered, when would the questioning stop? I continued walking down the sidewalk until I spotted Japan, and he looked at me with the most emotion I'd ever seen in his eyes. But this emotion he held wasn't loving, it wasn't sincere. His eyes showed caution, as if he were trapped by a caged animal. His eyes showed something as if I'd found out all his secrets, when in reality I knew little to nothing about his personal life, though I had spent so much time in it.

"Did you look threw my brief case Yao?" he said and I stare at him, unsure what to do, what to say. I swallowed hard and stared at him for a moment. I tried to speak calmly but my voice cracked.

"N-no…I didn't K-kiku…I just found it…And I-I thought I'd give it b-back to you….," I feel stupid for the way I say it. And I know he knows I'm lying, I see it in his eyes. The way they glint with the slightest look of amusement at my pathetic attempt of a lie. It's hard to see what he's actually thinking and I still can't see what he's thinking but I can read his emotions, only if at the slightest. He doesn't say anything for a moment and then he approaches me. I freeze for a moment unsure what to do…I want to move away a little and yet I want to come closer. It's like I'm having a battle with my heart and mind, one telling me to not trust him and the other telling me to trust him, to love him even. He finally stops in front of me, little space between us. I don't remember the last time we were this close.

He lets out his hand and for a moment I think he wants to take my hand but then I realize he just wants the briefcase. I slowly hand it to him and for a moment our fingers-if ever so slightly-brush against each other and then he jerks away with his briefcase in his hand. It's been so long and even now he still doesn't like touching me, or anyone. He now wears a light blush and I feel my cheeks flushing a bit as well, though I try to ignore it and I smile a little at him, trying to reassure him if he needs it.

He nods slowly and then he does something I wouldn't expect Japan to do. He leans in a bit, slowly closing the gap between us, he brushes his soft lips against mine and wraps his delicate arms around me. I want to respond to his actions, I want to wrap my arms around his gentle body and kiss him back but he's already let go and moved away by the time I get the courage to even try too. He's now standing feet away with his old blank expression, no emotion reaching his brown eyes anymore. Only the moons ray's glints in his eyes, making them shine ever so slightly. I don't know what to say or do. In fact I'm standing there like a complete and utter idiot.

"Thank you Yao, for returning my briefcase to me, it was a kind act. I barely believed you would have done it, after what I did to you…." He pauses. I wonder what he's thinking at this moment but before my thoughts go anywhere he's speaking again. "After what I did to you so long ago, thank you again," His voice sounds just like Japan; he doesn't show emotion in his voice. Though I know he's sorry, I heard it the day he scarred me-literally.

And as he walks away, briefcase in hand I try to _pretend _he's the old Japan. The Japan I once knew….And loved. But he's not that Japan, the old Japan didn't know the things the present Japan knows. But even after all these things; I still love him just the same, maybe even more than before.

I don't notice the note Japan gave me until I got home. I'm looking threw my pockets for something and I stumble upon a note, not just any note though. It's a note from Japan. When I open it though, it isn't a letter or a poem. It's just a simple sentence. A sentence that _proves_ me right about Japan knowing I lied. Because the note, in small letters says;

_"I hope you liked the letter Yao,"_

I think about this for a long time. Japan must of knew I got his briefcase and would have assumed that I looked threw it. Unless he got Germany or Italy to stay and watch me, no that couldn't have been it. Japan was too smart to let someone else do his bidding, wasn't he? So he must of predicted this, he wasn't sure until he saw me and asked if I'd looked through the briefcase. That's just before he kissed me….And then…It all snapped into place. Japan kissed me _not _out of love, but because he wanted to slip this note into my pocket. I didn't like it when I found all the pieces to the puzzle and the answer never seemed to be what I wanted it to be. Even though I had put the pieces to one puzzle together I still had many other puzzles to solve, many other questions I had yet to answer. But I suppose I was used to being let down, I had grown accustomed to it after all.

After that Japan and I carried on just like we had before. Neither of us mentioned the kiss me shared that fateful night 2 months, 43 days, 6 hours, 9 minutes and 50 seconds ago. Actually we barely spoke at all, but I knew that whenever we looked at each other and our eyes met, we both remembered it. We both saw it in each other's eyes. I longed for him to forget his briefcase again, for him to make such a simple mistake like that again but it never happened. Japan became more careful so that he would never have to do what he did the first time again. Though his eyes sometimes say differently, I know for a fact we will never be the same as we were long ago. My love for him will always linger within me and whatever distrust he feels for me could fade or grow over the years. All I know is that nothing can ever be the same. I can never hold him like I _used _too. I can never kiss him goodnight like I _used_ too. I can never gaze upon the same moon as him like _we_ used too. I can never tuck him in like I _used _too. But nothing can stay the same forever and questions can be left unanswered, can't they?


End file.
